Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Service Journalism Submission 5: Toxic Trends

Toxic Trends …
The fashion police are here to call a halt to all this season’s fashion felonies and faux pas. By: Abi Jesion

A fashion victim may be someone who is found stabbed by three-inch stilettos or suffocated to death by a corset. More often, it's someone who wants to so badly to be trendy that they’ll buy whatever the fashion authorities dictate or claim is in style. Although adhering to fashion is an admirable quality, being a slave to fashion is oft frowned upon. People like to see that you can display some initiative, rather than being enslaved, bound by the manacles of fashion. (Though, we have to admit, some guys rather like that!)

Think of the last five items you’ve purchased. If three or more are this season's must-have items, then you are in serious danger of becoming a fashion slave. Be a little more liberal and let some of your own personality shine through in your wardrobe.

The general rules for fashion pairings are simple. Don’t wear more than two of the current season’s must-have items together. This also applies to accessories. Avoid wearing more than three different accessories at the same time. A hat, necklace, large earrings, belt and huge bag are way over the top.

Fashion rules constantly change and evolve. What may be out one year may be in the next. Nevertheless there are some lines one should not cross if one’s name is not Johnny Depp.

1) Do not wear sunglasses indoors. Unless you’re holding the nut flush in a poker championship. Those of you who don’t know what a nut flush is, stay away from poker as well.
2) Don’t take your dog to your events. Please, while we all know that a dog is man's best friend, when your best friend is hairy, noisy, has bad breath, sometimes it's best to leave him behind.
3) Always wear your size. We realize that’s a do, rather than a don’t, but please, admit your size! Wearing a size too small actually makes you look twice as big.

Media, TV and magazines shouldn’t dictate what you must wear. Ask yourself if you really love all the trends in your closet. (If you say yes, go back and reread that sentence again. If you still say yes, I wonder what you think the word love means.) If you are not comfortable in the fad, then don’t wear it! If stilettos are too painful, then toss them. Are you self-conscious in fuchsia? Avoid it. Remember that you shouldn’t be sacrificing your health and mobility in order to look great. One or the other is usually enough.


Anonymous said...

I thought this submission was hilarious and it totally hits on some great do's and don'ts. I think that it would be a funny mid section piece of the mag.

Oh, George! said...

Also fully agreed with the comment above, I actually laughed out loud about how true the Do's and Don'ts are. Defs. good! ( by the way you submitted it with your name aswell!!.)

Heather Britton